This page gives our rules for comment moderation, guidelines to writing helpful comments, and information about commenting anonymously or with your name.

Comment Moderation Rules

If your comment breaks any of the following rules, it will likely be deleted, and you will not get a notification or an explanation or a copy of the comment.

  • No celebrating, encouraging, boasting about, planning or threatening violence, assault or harm to others.
  • No celebrating, encouraging or planning suicides or self-harm.  No details about suicide methods or suicidal thoughts.
  • No sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic or other discriminatory words or comments.
  • No attacking the post author or commenters.
  • No political or religious advocacy.
  • No explicit details of sexual activity.
  • No overtures for dating or sex (hitting on people). 
  • No advertising of products or services.
  • No excessive profanity.
  • Threads that have gone far off topic.

If you read a comment that breaks these rules or is otherwise offensive, please contact us and include the comment’s URL from your browser address bar.  Thank you.

If your comment is not approved, this is not a rejection of you as a person, just deletion of a few words that are not appropriate for this website.  You are free to find somewhere else on the internet that will publish your thoughts. 

If your comment has a lot of value, the site administrator may edit out a problematic word or section, or add a warning note, then publish it with an indication of the editing.

If comment moderation becomes too burdensome, we reserve the right to turn off commenting for any post or the whole website.

Commenting Guidelines

Our companion website is for sharing a little of your story to help other people have hope.  We do not provide an adequate emotional support system.  Talk to your friends, family, therapist, doctor or local suicide hotline for more support.

It is good to share something that worked for you:  “I enjoy having a community at my local church, and the nutritious food at their potlucks makes me feel great.”  It’s not OK to push solutions on other people, as in “You will go to heaven if you buy these vitamins!”

It is OK to report bad things that happened to you (stigma, insults, discrimination, bullying, abuse, violence, assault, etc.). Avoid upsetting details and put a warning before any details or quotes that are essential to your story.  Example:  “WARNING – sexual assault and racism:  I was called the n-word while being violently raped.  Since then I have been afraid to…”

Put a warning or content note before quoting text or linking to something that would be insulting or offensive.  Example:  “NOTE:  This movie makes fun of older virgins, fat people and trans women.”

Write with respect for other people of all genders and orientations.  Your story can start with your perspective.  Example:  “I am a 35-year-old straight woman who…”  Don’t assume that everyone is looking for “girls” or “guys”.

Avoid use of vocabulary from the incel community that is not widely understood.  Example: instead of “beta” write “shy men”.  Sexist words like “femoid” will violate the comment moderation policy.

It is OK to use one or two swear words to make a point or quote someone, but avoid excessive profanity.

It is OK to mention sexual activities, directly but without explicit details, such as “I tried having oral sex with a guy but I felt uncomfortable”.  You don’t need to use euphemisms like “intimate with” or “slept with” – they just make your meaning less clear. 

Many topics are relevant here, but keep the discussion related to dating difficulties and the incel movement.  Thank you.

The name and photo that appears on your comment

If you are not logged into a WordPress account, the comment screen looks like this (except it’s in green):

Click any of the circled icons to log in with a WordPress, Google, Twitter or Facebook account to leave a comment, with your name and photo from that account. People searching the internet for your name might find your comment here.

If you would rather not use one of those accounts, you can type a pseudonym in the Name box, and type a real address in the Email box. As the site administrator I can see your email address but I won’t share it. Here’s a comment made with a pseudonym:

If you have a WordPress account, the comment screen informs you that your comment will appear with that name and photo, as in this example.

If you don’t want to use your WordPress name and photo on, you can log out of your WordPress account, or use a private window or a different browser, to access the first screen above.

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