This page summarizes the history and the purpose of the Love Not Anger project. We have policies below for respect, privacy and cookies, and a disclaimer about advice on this website.


In 1997, Alana created the first peer-support website and mailing list for people who had difficulty starting relationships or finding partners for dating or sex.  “Alana’s Involuntary Celibacy Project” started as a friendly forum for men and women, gay and straight. 

Alana chose the term “involuntary celibacy” as a neutral alternative to pejorative phrases like “loser virgin”.  She originally abbreviated it “invcel” but someone else suggested that “incel” would be easier to pronounce. Read more about the word “incel”.

The original project was handed off to other people around the year 2000.  The incel movement evolved through multiple forums to exclude women while sharing ignorant and sexist ideas about dating. Read more about Alana’s history with the incel movement.

Project purpose

The Love Not Anger project, active from 2018 to 2019, was Alana’s constructive response to the mass murders committed by angry incel men. You can do something too.

Love Not Anger was an international project, advocating for research and awareness about dating difficulties amongst people (of all genders and orientations) with little or no dating experience.

This project focused on prevention: society needs support services that could reach lonely people before they get angry, hateful or violent. We are not getting involved in the incel forums. We are not experts on stopping misogyny; there are many wonderful organizations working on gender-based violence.

Policies and decisions

Alana does not use her last name on this website or in news articles, because:

I’m trying to maintain good search-engine results for my professional work, separate from this project. I’ve lived openly on the internet for over 20 years so it’s impossible to stay completely private. Nevertheless, I thank the journalists and everyone who respects that I only be referred to as “Alana” with respect to Love Not Anger and incel news.


Love Not Anger does not host a support forum and we do not have the resources to moderate comments on the blog. The project is now inactive. Although Alana is not doing media interviews, journalists are welcome to quote from this website with attribution.

You can see our Cookie Policy.


On this website, blog posts express the views of the author, or of the person being quoted. Pages without a named author are written and copyrighted by Alana. Views expressed by Alana or other authors are their own, not representing any organization.

Some pages and posts on this website offer advice about life, dating and relationships. This advice is generic to most people, and may not be appropriate for your personal situation. Alana is not a trained mental-health professional, so her advice and information is based on research and life experience. Alana and any other authors on this website are not liable or responsible for the results of following their advice in any given situation.

Close Menu