This page summarizes the history and the purpose of the Love Not Anger project.

We have policies below for respect, privacy and cookies, a guide to commenting and using pseudonyms on this site, and the reason Alana doesn’t use her last name here. We also have a disclaimer about advice on this website.


In 1997, Alana created the first peer-support website and mailing list for people who had difficulty starting relationships or finding partners for dating or sex.  “Alana’s Involuntary Celibacy Project” started as a friendly forum for men and women, gay and straight. 

Alana chose the term “involuntary celibacy” as a neutral alternative to pejorative phrases like “loser virgin”.  She originally abbreviated it “invcel” but someone else suggested that “incel” would be easier to pronounce. Read more about the word “incel”.

The original project was handed off to other people around the year 2000.  The incel movement evolved through multiple forums to exclude women while sharing ignorant and sexist ideas about dating. Read more about Alana’s history with the incel movement.

Project purpose

The Love Not Anger project, begun in 2018, is Alana’s constructive response to the mass murders committed by angry incel men. You can help.

Love Not Anger is an international project, advocating for research and awareness about dating difficulties. We have started a companion website,, offering positive support for people (of all genders and orientations) with little or no dating experience.

We are focused on prevention: society needs support services that could reach lonely people before they get angry, hateful or violent. We are not getting involved in the incel forums. We are not experts on stopping misogyny; there are many wonderful organizations working on gender-based violence.

Policies and decisions

Alana does not use her last name on this website or in news articles, because:

I’m trying to maintain good search-engine results for my professional work, separate from this project. I’ve lived openly on the internet for over 20 years so it’s impossible to stay completely private. Nevertheless, I thank the journalists and everyone who respects that I only be referred to as “Alana” with respect to Love Not Anger and incel news.


We endeavour to follow principles in our writing and activities. Sometimes we share someone’s writing that does not fully align with our principles, such as by using terms that are not respectful.

We do our best to give credit (via link, caption or author bio) to the creators of content we share. Unless otherwise credited, text and images on this website are copyright Metimea Inc. (a corporation owned by Alana.)

Love Not Anger does not host a support forum, but you may comment on blog posts. Our Commenting Guide gives moderation rules, commenting guidelines, and information about using a pseudonym on this website.

You can see our Privacy Policy and our Cookie Policy.


On this website, blog posts express the views of the author, or of the person being quoted. Pages without a named author are written by Alana. Views expressed by Alana or other authors are their own, not representing any organization.

Some pages and posts on this website offer advice about life, dating and relationships. This advice is generic to most people, and may not be appropriate for your personal situation. Alana and other authors on this website are not liable or responsible for the results of following their advice in any given situation.

Check the authorship of a blog post to determine whether it was written by a trained mental-health professional, a reader without such training, or Alana. Alana is not a trained mental-health professional, so her advice and information is based on research and life experience.

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