What causes incel anger?

According to our survey results, there are many reasons why people might have difficulty with dating. Gaps in self-confidence, social skills, mental and physical health, and social status can lead to romantic loneliness. However, being anxious, depressed, marginalized or autistic doesn’t make people likely to be violent.

It is the combination of loneliness with sexism, misogyny, privilege and entitlement that has led many men to be angry that women are not sexually available to them:

Sometime between 2000 and 2015, the incel community shifted from mutually supportive to more angry, disrespectful and hateful. This paralleled the development of the manosphere and online hate movements. A few incels wanted (and got) attention for their cause by committing mass shootings and murders.

Sexism and violence against women have been around for a long long time. Growing up before the internet, I heard a lot of ridiculous statements that objectified women and oversimplified the challenges of dating as “how to get a girl”. Now the internet has made it much easier to spread ignorance, misogyny and hate. Instead, let’s use online communications for sharing knowledge, respect for women, and support for lonely people.


Alana is the founder of the Love Not Anger project, and the creator of the original "involuntary celibacy" support website in 1997. This post expresses her own views; she is not a mental-health professional or dating expert.
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