This project is inactive

The Love Not Anger project has been inactive since November 2019. 

I am no longer doing any research, writing, or media interviews about dating difficulties or the incel movement. The contact form has been taken down due to spam. The information will remain published at and you are welcome to quote these writings with attribution.

Why is this project inactive?  In November I started a very challenging job.  The hours are long, and leave me with no energy for the Love Not Anger project.  The job gives me a clear purpose, and keeps me from reading and thinking about depressing issues like the misogyny and violence associated with the incel movement.  Stepping away has improved my mental health.

My heart goes out to those of you who are lonely for love. I am not qualified or able to offer any individual support. If you are struggling to connect with people, I encourage you to seek mental health support (including psychotherapy), and to devote your energy to meaningful projects and self-care.  Many people have found friends and lovers after giving more love to themselves.

Please accept my best wishes, and thank you for all the support you have given this project.



Alana is the founder of the Love Not Anger project, and the creator of the original "involuntary celibacy" support website in 1997. This post expresses her own views; she is not a mental-health professional or dating expert.
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