Is dating easier or harder for queers?

LGBTQ+ people might have more freedom to be ourselves on the dating scene. But starting to date can be harder because we often start in adulthood (after the confusion of coming out), and we experience more discrimination, trauma, violence and mental illness. And yet, many queer and trans people find love while living true to ourselves.

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My history with involuntary celibacy

How Alana started the Involuntary Celibacy website and forum in 1997, and why she drifted away. How she responded to the incel murders in 2014 and 2018 by speaking out in the media and starting the Love Not Anger project.

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The word “incel”

The term "involuntary celibacy" was meant to be neutral, but cannot be reclaimed from misogyny. Let's focus on reducing loneliness and preventing violence, not defining terminology.

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What causes incel anger?

Being lonely doesn't cause violence. It is the combination of loneliness with sexism and entitlement that has led some incel men to anger and murder. The internet can be used to spread hate, or love!

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Services you could develop

If you're savvy about mental health, you could organize a service for inexperienced and shy people: groups where people meet, prevention programs for youth, advice resources, assessment tools, matching services, and all kinds of counselling & therapy.

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Concerned about a single person?

There are different strategies for supporting a single person who might be lonely, depressed or angry. Links to suggestions for talking to friends, family members, community members, employees, students and other team members.


Concerned about a single person on your team?

For managers, supervisors, teachers, professors, coaches and volunteer coordinators: How to talk to your employee, student or team member who is single and may be lonely. Handling inappropriate dating requests or anger from team members.

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