How Alana started the Involuntary Celibacy website and forum in 1997, and why she drifted away. How she responded to the incel murders in 2014 and 2018 by speaking out in the media and starting the Love Not Anger project.
The term "involuntary celibacy" was meant to be neutral, but cannot be reclaimed from misogyny. Let's focus on reducing loneliness and preventing violence, not defining terminology.
Being lonely doesn't cause violence. It is the combination of loneliness with sexism and entitlement that has led some incel men to anger and murder. The internet can be used to spread hate, or love!
There are different strategies for supporting a single person who might be lonely, depressed or angry. Links to suggestions for talking to friends, family members, community members, employees, students and other team members.
Religious, ethnic and family community group leaders can support young single people to find partnership. Some tips for offering mentorship, referring to counselling, and bowing out when you can't accept someone's values or lifestyle.
For managers, supervisors, teachers, professors, coaches and volunteer coordinators: How to talk to your employee, student or team member who is single and may be lonely. Handling inappropriate dating requests or anger from team members.
How to support a single family member to be socially connected, while relaxing your expectations of them.
Suggestions for a non-judgmental conversation to support your friend who has been single for years. Sharing vulnerability, boosting their confidence, encouraging them to make connections and find help, and setting boundaries.